Okay, time to balance things up. After all, nothing is that perfect is it. After my last posting of what I love about my submission, I cannot but mention the things that leave me less than soaring.
It Makes Me Feel Boring
Okay, so part of my brain is switched off and it is a delicious reprieve. But at the same time, yet another part of my brain switches off, the flirty, cheeky, intellectual hopping part, and the result is that I lose part of me. Sometimes I feel boring, one dimensional, unable to contribute to a conversation as it's just beyond my capabilities at that moment.
There are even occasions when I can't talk, literally.
Most of these extreme times I am so wrapped up in what is happening, and enjoying it, that it's not an issue. But there are moments when I do feel an acutely boring companion.
It Makes Me Vulnerable
It's only recently that I have cottoned on to how vulnerable I actually am, and I don't mean just physically. I willingly open myself up to situations and suggestions without really thinking it through and depend, totally, on the honorable nature of the other person. I have found out that I am very suggestible, which I suppose can be quite fun, especially for Him, and it certainly reinforces the feeling of being "controlled", taking it far, far away from mere role play. But it can be scary and I do worry about possible consequences. It also makes me worry about how other people could exploit it...or me.
It Has Shaken Up My Life
I mentioned that it has provoked a lot of change in my life, but that's not always been good. It has shaken things up past the point of no return in one case. Sometimes that can be very, very sad.
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