Odedience

I am struggling with obedience. Not because I can't do it, but because I don't understand why I am doing it. It's never been up there on my list of skills or qualities I need to cultivate. To be frank, it's never actually occurred to me before.

But here I am being, well, pretty damn compliant and obedient. I have even done things that have been a little bit of a stretch for me. Nothing shocking...just things I don't usually do. Sir is coaxing me into talking more freely about sex. I have always had a problem with it. Even writing about it is difficult. You may have spotted there are few really sexual references here. I like to dance around the subject without being too descriptive. I use the excuse that it's atmosphere that really matters, but in truth, I just find it difficult to use overtly sexual language.

But, coming back to obedience, I am now feeling myself start to respond to Sir and talk a little more sexually...because he asks me to. I'm sure it's pretty pathetic and feeble and I cringe as I say it but it is actually quite a big thing for me.

But, that's an illustration. I am actually more concerned with why I am doing as I am told. I am looking for some good websites on the psychology of submission and domination but so far drawing a blank. I could watch BDSM porn online, find a multitude of lovers online, order a whole hamper of sex toys or torture tools online...but I cannot seem to find an answer to the question WHY?