Under The Mask

There's a lot of talk about authenticity at the moment, especially within the business circles I frequent. I have just one word for it, Bollocks. If I was to show off my authentic side I would have people walking over me right, left and centre.

What most people see of me is the mask, the hard shell...and I know I am not alone. Even Neuro Linguistic Programming with all its modelling and mirroring peddles the idea that it's good to face the world behind the weapon of another persona.

Most of the time I believe my own hype..that I am a high achiever type A personality with high expectations not only of myself but the people around me. And of course, there is truth in that. But that's not all there is.

It's interesting how so very few people get to peek behind the mask. Of course my family do, to an extent, but with teenagers in the home I am now aware how my role is now becoming one of role model at times, and that has to be kept up. My very best friends see a little behind the mask too - probably the most fun and irreverent side - but there are still things I can't tell them. You might think that my psychoanalyst might get more than a brief glimpse, but it's interesting how I often find myself editing what I say to her in an effort to get the convesrsation moving where I want it to go. As for parents...well we all know about only showing them the things we want to show.

And so we come to Sir...and how much of the person behind the mask I let him see. I am very conscious that he has been both attracted and seduced by the things I have let him see..but will he still desire and respect what lies beneath?

So far I haven't really role-played...when scenarios happen I seem to respond to them quite strongly without the need to "play" a role. Indeed, I seem to respond so quickly and fiercely I have no time or even ability to think things through, or edit them before they are out there...and this is a little scary.

Whilst one of the draws of DS is letting that mask slip, of discarding layers, I still wonder how much of he really wants to see. Should I care? After all, if he doesn't like it, it is his problem, not mine...and yet...and yet I have to say I still do care what he thinks.