Submission and Feminism

I have a client who is in her sixties, and what I would class an old school Feminist. I regularly see her and a group of other female clients, but this one particular woman is extremely offended if I address them en masse as "ladies", or, god forbid, "guys" as is my usual wont. Everyone laughs and turns their eyes up at her but as facilitator I find her difficult to deal with as my natural instinct is to tell her to take a hike, and that's obviously not appropriate in this situation.

My coping mechanism has been to diffuse it by secretly imagining the look on her face if she ever saw me on my knees telling Sir he could do absolutely anything he desired with me and to me. I honestly think she'd keel over in shock.

However, it's making me think a little about my own Feminist beliefs. I clearly remember choosing my A levels and having a conversation with my father which went something like this..."women need to decide if they are going to marry someone rich to look after them, or make their own money.."

Of course in hindsight I know that he was trying to push me into doing an Economics or Business Studies degree ( I disappointed him and did English and American Literature and Film instead!), but his words have stuck with me ever since.

But Feminism is much more than financial independence. It's independence of thought too. I went to a comedy club a few months ago. It was with a crowd of people in their twenties that I didn't really know. I was already feeling uncomfortable as I am quite shy and not particularly good at meeting new people in a non-work environment, but as the evening wore on, I felt more and more isolated.

I know that comedy is a very subjective thing (personally I love Woody Allen's pseudo-intellecutual wry style or Tony Hancock's cynicism) but I was totally shocked at what I heard that night...misogynist ramblings mixed with racist diatribe that barely masqueraded as humour. And, what upset me most was the girls laughing at really nasty jokes about women. As an outsider I could tell from the look in their eyes that they weren't laughing because they thought it was funny. They were laughing because they felt that their men wanted them to.

I left early, feeling that Feminism has taken a step backwards if girls are behaving like that.

But weren't they only doing what I am choosing to do by being submissive...pleasing their men?

Overall you could say that choosing to be Submissive is the culmination of Feminism as Feminism is about the right to choose.

Young Dom and I have talked about this. He says Submission is purely a sexual thing.I could just as easily have chosen to submit to a Domme, and then it wouldn't have anything to do with Feminism.

But I haven't: I have chosen a man and the fact that it is a man and a very dominant one at that is a big part of it. I relish the feeling of being controlled and yet taken care of; of being ordered to do something, and yes, sometimes even reprimanded or punished.

And yet...how can I read something like A Thousand Splendid Suns where the women had no choice but to outwardly submit (and yet they didn't in their hearts,) and then I go ahead and choose completely the opposite?

Yes, A Thousand Splendid Suns is fiction, but I think it could be said to be quite an accurate account of what goes on in some parts of the world. Surely, by choosing to be submissive to a man, I am metaphorically colluding in stuff like this?

How does this fit in with an almost overwhelming desire to please Sir? Yes, I sometimes play a little naughty, but I think this is because I feel safe and happy when he puts me in my place. Ultimately, I do want to please him.

Maybe there is no easy answer to this. I like what I like and that should be enough. Sometimes it feels like a tantalising Rubik's cube that only needs one turn and I will understand and somehow align the two conflicting parts of me. But perhaps I need to just accept that this is not a puzzle that's just going to slide into place. It just is.