The Tower

As anyone who reads the Tarot will know, the Tower is when things come tumbling down around you.

I have had one of those moments. The day started well. My insurance company paid out 3k out of the 5k I spent getting my family back from Rome in the wake of the Icelandic ash cloud. I hit over 1100 followers on Twitter. I had a lovely morning shopping and lunching with a good friend. I bought some stuff to surprise Sir when I next saw him.

And then I found that Sir is not who I thought he was. At all. Who he really is doesn't matter. What matters is that he lied to me, and created a web of lies I have to give him credit for being able to keep up. I thought I was the queen of bullshit...

People talk about the importance of honesty within a DS relationship. I'd read it so many places that I was determined to be as honest as possible...I think I made a tiny lie about my age but did come clean on that. This however, is something different.

I haven't allowed myself to trust anyone since my first husband and I broke up, and that's over ten years now. It seems I was wrong to let my guard down.

There is a line in the film Love Actually that always brings a tear to my eye. It's Emma Thompson telling her husband Alan Rickman that he has made her feel foolish, and he has made the life she leads foolish.

It's how I am feeling at the moment. This is my first real DS relationship/experience, whatever you want to call it. And I feel foolish. So very foolish.