As anyone who reads the Tarot will know, the Tower is when things come tumbling down around you.
I have had one of those moments. The day started well. My insurance company paid out 3k out of the 5k I spent getting my family back from Rome in the wake of the Icelandic ash cloud. I hit over 1100 followers on Twitter. I had a lovely morning shopping and lunching with a good friend. I bought some stuff to surprise Sir when I next saw him.
And then I found that Sir is not who I thought he was. At all. Who he really is doesn't matter. What matters is that he lied to me, and created a web of lies I have to give him credit for being able to keep up. I thought I was the queen of bullshit...
People talk about the importance of honesty within a DS relationship. I'd read it so many places that I was determined to be as honest as possible...I think I made a tiny lie about my age but did come clean on that. This however, is something different.
I haven't allowed myself to trust anyone since my first husband and I broke up, and that's over ten years now. It seems I was wrong to let my guard down.
There is a line in the film Love Actually that always brings a tear to my eye. It's Emma Thompson telling her husband Alan Rickman that he has made her feel foolish, and he has made the life she leads foolish.
It's how I am feeling at the moment. This is my first real DS relationship/experience, whatever you want to call it. And I feel foolish. So very foolish.
FLR xmas presents and arrangements, No.4
16 hours ago
Trusting someone is nothing to be ashamed of. It's them that should feel foolish.
ReplyDeleteOmgosh I'm SO sorry. I absolutely agree that trusting someone shouldn't make you feel foolish, at least in a perfect world (but of course I understand that it does).
ReplyDeleteI met a Dom once online, and started seeing him every so often. He told me he was separated. I found out he wasn't when I got a phonecall and a female voice yelled, 'You little bitch...' Unfortunately our submissive nature causes us to trust a little too readily sometimes, for our own good. The next Dom I spent any time with was a really good guy and made up for any bad experience I had with the first one. You have to be willing to trust if you're going to find anything worthwhile.
(hugs) Again, so sorry. :( Trust broken in any relationship is a big thing.. in a Ds one, it must feel shattering. :( It's no bad reflection on you. There is no Ds relationship without trust, so you have nothing to feel foolish about.
Screw him. I recommend copious quantities of rum and coke :)
I am very sorry to hear what has happened to you. Your not a fool for trusting anyone, and as Samuel Johnson said "It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." My best advice is remember that you did nothing wrong (I know easier said that done) and there is a whole community here to help you out. Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteTell us his name E and he's dogmeat!
ReplyDeleteB
It's a shame this has happened to you., Don't let it put you off further experiences, and eventually you will allow yourself to trust again.
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